Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
