I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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