You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
