lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
