he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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