The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
