i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
