Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
