Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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