This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
