Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
