Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
