When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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