one might say we're banned from that church
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
