does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
high people should be assigned attendants
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
