OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
