When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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