Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
