I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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