I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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