so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
