Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
