hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
