I think I won the penis lottery.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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