I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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