my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
