nut hugger
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
