I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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