I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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