I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
