Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
