Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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