He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
