A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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