Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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