Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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