i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
