I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
