i was born a porn star she said
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The beer is more important than you right now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
send nudes
from the living room?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
