So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
