i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
