I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
