i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
