I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
