I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
