I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize