My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
