well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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