The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
