He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
