JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
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Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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