So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize