Welp...herpes.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
