My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
