i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
