Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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