Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How external is "for external use only"?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
