He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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