I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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