I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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