Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
