so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
