Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
