awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
