my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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