I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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