His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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