The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
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I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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