I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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