Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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