Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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