Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
